回家

在空气中无处安置的惘然充斥到膨胀的时候，在心里一千个念头一一冒出，再被一一否决之后，在这样的沸腾不安一如一贯，找不到冲破平静表面的出口的时候，我收拾好回家的行李，要离开这个让我不知所措的空间，迁移到那个，我曾称之为家的地方。

什么都不带，电脑、工作、甚至连手机都不想带。
这些我在现实中离了就不能活的东西，却也是当我快乐心安时还没有出现在我生活中的东西，不是我回家的必须品。我要回家，回10年前的那个家。

把一切都扔下，扔下在身边的、不在身边的人，扔下快乐的、不快乐的事，扔下细微的、多余的、无法心安的心情。。。回家。。。

月

巨大的月亮汹涌着诡异的红，突兀而绝望地挂在天上。初秋的晚风，夹杂着淡淡的潮湿，温柔拂来，又无情飘走。虹梅路上，一贯的灯红酒绿，看尽了往来的陌生、暗涌、诱惑、孤独、放纵。

目光迷离，脸颊微红，莫名傻笑，絮絮叨叨，轻摆轻摇。。。这样的夜晚，我选择应景地微醺。

我笑，微笑、轻笑、大笑。。。都是傻笑。
我说话，拉住身边的，任何愿意停驻的人，说任何的，他们愿听的话。
有多少个这样癫狂的夜晚？
这微潮的晚风曾多少次从我身边吹过？
千百年的那轮月亮，多少次将银色华衣披在我身上？
多少次，我选择傻笑与言不由衷？
多少次，它用沉默掩饰喧哗，而我，只能用喧哗掩饰沉默？

失

需要尘封的记忆，收之藏之，拂之拭之，却终于还是不小心丢失了，丢失得无影无踪，再无处可寻。懊恼，不解，只是淡淡的，恍然发现，原来失去了也没什么大不了，原来，我们什么都可能失去，原来，什么都可以失去。

心静，微安，一切，都只是经过，过后，风平浪静。

你说我是个白痴。我微笑，表示赞同。

Straight Out of a Japanese Horror Movie

Last night, I suddenly woke up when the clock read 3:00, feeling hundreds and thousands of sparks jumping all over my skin. After a few futile turnings and tossing, I finally gave up and moved myself to the bathroom, at least, that way I wouldn’t affect those who CAN sleep and ARE enjoying it, being Panda.

So I went to the bathroom, for some odd reason unconsciously picked up the hair brush and started to comb my hair in front of the mirror. After a few minutes, a strange thought sneaked into my mind: if my soul broke away from my body at that moment, what would I see: in the middle of a night, a pale woman in a long white sleeping gown, with no facial expression, slowly brushing her long black hair in front of a giant mirror, background pitch black….. This scene was so similar to a Japanese horror movie, and a chill quickly ran up my spine. Dropping the hair brush, I rushed into the bedroom, bumped into a few chairs and tables, and threw myself into the bed, feeling those sparks like blinking eyes watching me.

I eventually fell back to sleep, but this morning, waking up with the neighbors drilling noise, I shockingly found the hair brush wasn’t on the floor but leaning in the holder as usual! Only some traces of scratches noticeable on my arms proved me that it wasn’t all a dream.

转过身去，面朝阳光

喜欢，喜欢上一首歌，一遍一遍不知厌倦地重复放着，轻轻的吉他声和张悬略带沙哑的无动于衷的嗓音，如泉水叮咚，静静流过，能让自己缓缓往下沉，直到着地，直到心安。心静了，但不是极限，再听听，再静静，就能莫名其妙地眼眶湿润，所以我总是口渴，所以眼睛总是干涸。

勇气，鼓足勇气，从来不曾如现在般勇往直前。这正是我需要的，骄傲，迂腐，统治了太久，尽是无聊而自讨苦吃的东西，我说。一鼓作气，再而衰，三而竭，需要勇气的事，想到了就得做了，内心的那张鼓，还是让它继续沾满灰尘的好。

愚蠢，感到愚蠢。短暂的匹夫之勇之后，骄傲的劣根又开始发芽。若真是莽汉也就罢了，愚蠢而不自知，或者不以为耻。遗憾的是，我以为耻的东西太多了，所有的，未如我愿的结果，都以为耻。所以总是后悔，后悔是可耻之人的专利。

逃离，莫若逃离。阴影越来越重，步步紧逼，还是跳开的好。再喜阴的植物，也还是需要阳光的。想起小时候大人为了有理由相信自己的孩子比较聪明而出的一道考题，问怎样能跳出自己的影子。我很不争气地没有答上来。后来才知道答案是转过身去，面朝阳光。

那时候就恍悟，原来这样也可以！实在过不去的坎儿，原来不是一定非要过的，原来我可以掉转方向，或者绕道，或者干脆，闭上眼睛。

简单的东西

心动很简单，一个浅浅的微笑，一个温暖的眼神，或恰恰弯成想象中弧度的嘴角，身上飘来的淡淡香水味道，激起了某个遥远的记忆，或是那皎洁的月色，或 是那眩目的阳光。。。在对的时间，有对的心情，恰巧碰到的那个人。。。这些美好的片断，其实只是目光碰撞那一瞬的火花，只不过心的边界是模糊的，晕染了那 灿烂。

于是，有了欢喜，欢愉与喜悦。让我感谢你，赠我心欢喜。

甜言蜜语终有说光的一时，表情终有做完的一刻，力气终有用尽的一秒，挤出来的甜会越来越少，直至透支，直至剩下的只有涩涩的苦。

会用很大的勇气去坚守苦涩，用无数次的舔舐去让心口愈合，只是，不疼了，疤痕却尤在。一条可以忽略，两条可以忘却，新的可以覆盖旧的，某天醒来，发 现又赫然出现了一条血腥，只是再也不愿遮羞，就让它自生自灭，明显也好，丑陋也好，都不愿再遮了，索性舍了，去寻另一个干净的开始。

颠倒众生的儿女情长，其实就只是这么一个简单的东西，你不要的，我捡起，我丢下的，你尽请拿去。

如果

如果生活给予的大多是空白，那就把空白当成是生活。
如果幸福总是需要以希望为支撑，以期待为姿态，那就相信它永远不是在未来

One Night

Waking up, finding the clock showing 11:00am exactly.
Again had the night replace the day. That kind of reversal, gradually became a habit.

In the crowded hotpot restaurant, gathering together with a few friends, we didn’t eat much, but just kept drinking beer, one after another, chatting, from Columbia to Deng xiao ping, from Guinness to Buddwiser, The company’s familiar faces flowing and hiding in the hot air saturated with smell of mutton and spice , seemed blur and distant, in a second I forgot where I was, whom I was with.

Being the last remaining customers, we finally walked out in tipsy steps when the waitresses all started to give us dirty looks. It was raining outside again, thickly but gently. Not big enough for umbrella, but undoubtly can wet you through. Face toward the dark sky, eyes closed, I let the rain run along the hot skin, washing off the lingering food smell, pulling me back from the illusion. When I opened my eyes, people around looked close and true again. The trance and distance, was just delusion in a flash.

Taxing from Pudong to Puxi, shuttling at midnight across the sleepless city, waving skyscrapers reaching into the deepest darkness like desperate ghosts, neon eyes glaring and bewildering, I could hear their harsh laughter. They were looking at people blindly hovering, commuting, aimlessly from one place to another, without realizing no matter how they transfer, where they go, they can never go beyond the doomed dark trap, no escape, no exception.

Those who won’t go home during the late night, initially only wanting to run away from the “day”, rushed into the “night” that was even darker and more overwhelming, disguised with splendid neon, colorful liquor, fragrant perfume and inebriating merriness, only to find themselves lonely spirits hovering in the dark circle, sinking deeper and deeper.

离开

终于定心了离开。月盈月缺，潮起潮落，是万物的平衡法则。

今天是搬进新家的第一天。打开门的那一刻，意料中的杂乱和拥挤，毫无缓冲地泻入眼帘。放下带来的四五个包，使这个因无序而显狭小的空间更加的不堪。没有收拾的欲望，那我只有闭上眼，或者，暂时离开。

迪卡侬，西郊百联，友谊商城，联华超市，毫无头绪地逛遍了所有能逛的店面，去了家叫"友和"的日本餐厅，只叫了一碗面，慢慢吃掉了一半，仍未尝出滋味；排了15分钟的队，只为了买一杯其实并不十分喜欢的珍珠奶茶，想着可以名正言顺地站着发呆。

广场上坐了很多的人，看起来都很快乐的样子。挑了个蘑菇状的椅子，坐在了快乐人们的身边，喝光奶茶，看完手机，和旁边的小朋友做了个鬼脸，然后离开。

女人总是喜欢以逛街来或发泄或排解，却其实，落落灵魂置身于红绿霓虹和熙攘人群中，只会更加落落。

该回家了，发现外面下起了小雨。